33w5d

My OB scheduled a C section date for me, which he told C and me at the last appointment. September 3. I will be 37w2d. I immediately protested this date as I wanted to wait until 38w at earliest. He would not budge. I still feel disappointed, like the boys won't be as strong as they can be, their latching will suck, etc. by forcing the birth to be that early. I do not like this idea!!!!

I do not like the idea of a C section anyway. I am scared at being cut open. I am scared that I will be stuck in bed because of being in pain. 

I worry that my ability to breastfeed and have skin to skin time will be ruined because of giving birth in the OR. And because the twins are being born at 37w2d.

I am feeling anxiety about everything. That I will die. That one or both babies will die or arrive with severe defects. 

I also worry that because I am sleeping significantly less but not feeling the need to catch-up nap, that menstrual type cramps have started and become more frequent, gaseousness has increased, and that I just feel off, that labor will start soon. And then I will need an emergency C section.

Ahh a lot on my mind and I have always had anxiety issues. I have been getting massages and going to therapy but need to ramp up the frequency. The problem is leaving the house to do these things. I just do not want to sometimes. I am tired. I am sore. I waddle. My feet swell frequently.