33w5d

My OB scheduled a C section date for me, which he told C and me at the last appointment. September 3. I will be 37w2d. I immediately protested this date as I wanted to wait until 38w at earliest. He would not budge. I still feel disappointed, like the boys won't be as strong as they can be, their latching will suck, etc. by forcing the birth to be that early. I do not like this idea!!!!

I do not like the idea of a C section anyway. I am scared at being cut open. I am scared that I will be stuck in bed because of being in pain. 

I worry that my ability to breastfeed and have skin to skin time will be ruined because of giving birth in the OR. And because the twins are being born at 37w2d.

I am feeling anxiety about everything. That I will die. That one or both babies will die or arrive with severe defects. 

I also worry that because I am sleeping significantly less but not feeling the need to catch-up nap, that menstrual type cramps have started and become more frequent, gaseousness has increased, and that I just feel off, that labor will start soon. And then I will need an emergency C section.

Ahh a lot on my mind and I have always had anxiety issues. I have been getting massages and going to therapy but need to ramp up the frequency. The problem is leaving the house to do these things. I just do not want to sometimes. I am tired. I am sore. I waddle. My feet swell frequently. 

24w6d and Three Hospital Visits in Three Days

I just realized that the title of the post may be just a tad too alarmist. Only one of the three visits was "emergency" related.

Up until last Sunday, I began feeling more frequent movement. Especially after eating or while sitting or laying down. But then between last Sunday to last Friday, the movements decreased significantly. I was pretty sure an entire day had passed without any action. Three times during the week, I broke out the Doppler and located the heartbeats, which provided some reassurance. But I could not shake the feeling that something could be wrong. On Friday, I called my OB amd the assistant said that Dopplers are not always reliable in general as my heartbeat could be mixed up with the baby's, and with twins even less so since I may be picking up the same twin rather than each one. Bottom line: there was a change in movement, therefore go immediately to the hospital. 

My husband and I went to Labor and Delivery and they strapped monitoring belts on me for about thirty minutes. Heartbeats were detected and were 151 and 143, respectively. My OB also wanted them to take ultrasounds, and I saw that while Baby B was still transverse facing the spine, Baby A was now transverse facing the front. Sizes only 11% different, with A at 1 pound 11 ounces and B at 1 pound 8 ounces. But both were moving around like crazy and since then seem to have resumed normal activity. Cervix was 3.1 so a bit shorter than a few weeks ago. (Trying to remember it can be a dynamic measurement.) Total visit was about three hours, but worth it of course. 

Saturday and Sunday we were back for a childbirth and labor class. It was quite helpful to get logistics of giving birth there and to learn about signs of abor and managing labor as well as possible. We also discussed how prevalent C sections were in South Florida (41%!!) and some ways we could possibly avoid them. Of course, with twins it will be more likely that my birth will be a C section, but I would like to attempt a vaginal delivery if possible. After the class, I feel more armed to discuss this at my next appointment on Wednesday. During the class, we watched videos of vaginal and C section births. Both beautiful and awkward at the same time. 

I think C and I leave all classes feeling empowered and overwhelmed. We are glad we attended but it is a lot of information. We are novices and there is just so much unknown territory still.

I think in general we are feeling more anxiety these days, anyways. Our house is filled with donated items and the nursery is not quite yet cleared out to begin storage, decorating, and painting. We never seem to have enough time to do things and my stamina is so much lower these days. During the week, I can barely summon enough strength to get thru the work day and go to the gym at lunch before coming home exhausted. C gets home at 8 so he cannot do much during the week. Weekends are filled with all our to-dos and now we are avoiding social events because there is just not enough time!

Physically, I am doing ok besides the increased fatigue and back tightness. Those are to be expected given I have gained 35 pounds. It is all boobs and belly, though. My skin has been a mess the last two weeks, with large pimples appearingon the lower half of my face. Otherwise, considering I am as large as a woman carrying an eight-month old singleton and moving into the humid Florida summer, I am doing pretty well.