Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Just Me and the Boys

It's been four days since my mom left and although it IS harder to be alone with the boys, I love it. Seven weeks of company was too much. I never had privacy, I was constantly fixing the moms' mistakes, C and I never had couple time hardly.* No routines for the boys were established because it was too hard with moms around.

Yes, it is harder to juggle household chores, but I am at peace now. What I miss the most is help when the boys are simultaneously melting down, or one was crying while I'm feeding the other. I am certainly becoming more creative in handling them, and our recent acquisition of a second swing has been a lifesaver.

They are still sleeping in the bed with us and we usually get a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep. Which means I wake up engorged these days. I only pump in the morning, around 10 minutes, and easily get 10-12 ounces. I have around 500 ounces in my freezer! I am paranoid supply will drop when I return to work.

Speaking of work...totallly dreading my return. I really wish I could stay home the first year with them. But, I cannot, so the compromise is to work part-time until they are six months. Now, my boss and I need to agree on a schedule. I need to figure out if I want three days a week or five shorter days. I would love full days off with them to go to baby classes, snuggle, just chill, but I'm sure a daily routine might be good for them, as well as to not have them in daycare too long. Might be better for breastfeeding to not have to pump and do the bottle too much. Ahhh!!!! 

I get really sad when I think about daycare. I cannot even write all my thoughts because it is too much.

I am just starting to feel human. Just starting to explore with them. They get their shots on Friday so I will have just two full weeks to go wherever in public, whenever. Then, back to fucking life. Without my babies. Fuck. 

*Tried to have sex the other day and could not. I was too tight I guess from inactivity and even with lube it was too painful. Ugh. I just want to be devirginized!!!

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