26w5d

I had an appointment two days ago at the MFM and things seem to be progressing well. Baby B is now larger than Baby A - 2 pounds 2 ounces and 2 pounds 1 ounce, respectively. A variance of only 2%. Heartbeats were at 138 bpm and 136 bpm. 

Baby B is still transverse facing my spine, though he is slightly diagonal - perhaps making his move toward birthing presentation? Baby A is breech, with his head right next to Baby B's feet. Poor thing, I would think that would suck sometimes! 

Cervix is still closed and is 3.4 cm. Weight gain at 35 pounds. Besides the waiting around, a fairly quick appointment. Nothing of concern right now to the doctor. Also, I passed the three hour glucose test! 

I am feeling pretty good physically, just more tired more quickly. Still going to the gym but taking it easy of course. 

I think some anxiety is creeping up. So much to do still. Our nursery has been painted and new floors are arriving Tuesday. C sanded the cribs and dresser and nightstand. Next weekend he will paint the cribs and possibly assemble them. Then hopefully we can start organizing all the baby stuff that is strewn everywhere. 

We have even more items here now because I had a surprise work baby shower the other day. It was very touching how much effort people put into the event. The decorations were beautiful and there was plenty of food and cake. I received tons of clothes, mostly for six months and beyond, and everyone pitched in to give me a very generous gift card. 

My other baby shower is in three weeks and nothing has been done yet. Only one of the two girls helping me to host is participating in a shopping trip for supplies and helping to plan, which is fine, but the other girl should not had bothered to offer to host if she was just going to flake out later. I honestly have too much else to do with our house to worry about this shower. It is a pool party and really I just want people to show up, have fun, and eat. Usually I obsess about making crafts and tablescapes but this time I am too tired and busy to care. The other annoyance is no one has RSVPed. They are supposed to do so with my mother and people either have told C and me they are coming or have not said anything. So, trying to figure out how to remind people to do this without involving me. 

At 24w6d I Still Feel Infertile At Times

Over the weekend, our close couple friends came over to help C paint the nursery. They announced their pregnancy and I felt happy for them. Until they said (without saying) that they conceived on their first month of trying. Ugh, that shit still rankles me so much! I feel such such an asshole for feeling this way. 

And two days later I am still a bit upset by their news. I feel like everyone around us conceives so easily. That it leaves C and me open for judgment, like they think they are superior to us and we had problems because we are less healthy or something. Which I know shouldn't matter because it's not even true but it annoys me.

I also am annoyed by my friends calling all their family to announce the news and how she just texted me her best friend is pregnant, too. It is so unfair that she can bask in the innocence of having a baby due at the same time as her friend, and here I am almost in the third trimester and I am still terrified of a loss every day. 

So yeah, I still have a lot of insecurities and still feel like an infertile freak even though I have two seemingly healthy babies inside me. Who still are not moving in a regular pattern. When they do move, it is stronger than before. Bubbles have yielded to kicks at times. 

Tomorrow I have a three hour glucose test because I failed my one hour test. I scored 132 and my office's cutoff is 130. But interestingly, I have seen cutoffs of 135 so I plan to ask about that. I have also started working from home twice a week. Not a doctor mandate but something that I wanted in order to nap and recline as needed.