The State of Things

Thankfully breastfeeding has improved immensely. I have not used a bottle for A for about ten days now. He still needs more help getting latched than P but I think A may actually be the superior twin for staying on the breast!

My current breastfeeding challenge is mastering tandem breastfeeding. During the day the twins are generally staggered with feedings so I do not have much need for tandem breastfeeding. But at night somehow they sync up much more and with C back to work I really need to be able to feed them independently. He awakes to help me but I would really like to handle them myself most of the time if possible and of course reduce my awake time. 

Currently I cannot get them positioned tandem without help and do not have a good pillow system to keep them securely in place. I bought the highly touted My B.rest Friend which is not great for my body. I end up hunching forward or if I prop the pillow up the twins end up too high. The back support slips down which requires strategic placement of many extra pillows. So it is a hard scenario to create independently and recreate quickly and consistently. I do use it sometimes but still need to work out the kinks.

Other than the breastfeeding challenges my other current difficulty is dealing with my mother in law, whom I have always adored and gotten along fabulously with. She has been at our house a little over a week. At first, her anxiety was through the roof.  She freaked out every time a baby cried or even fussed. It caused her to leave dirty diapers around, doors open, lights on, forget things and be more of a burden than a help. She also has been very flaky in general, like forgetting to buy things on a grocery list, to write in the pee/poo log, and taking an inordinate amount of time to do even non-baby tasks (took 2 hours to reheat prepared lasagna and prepare salads.) 

C noticed some of this but not all as he is at work all day and his mom is not as crazy when he is here. So unfortunately he hears me bitch a lot. I feel bad as this places more stress on him. And this week I am making more effort not to report her issues to him. Which sadly means I internalize more now.  

She has gotten better compared to a week ago but still has progress to make. She still flips out when they fuss and asks are they hungry? Did they poop? What do we do? None of which is helpful and makes me tense. 

And if she is with ababy snd he starts crying she won't put him down unless he falls asleep. But sometimes I need the baby brought to me awake so I can feed him. Or I don't want him in a deep sleep at the moment. But she is at the other end of the house and I am with the other baby so I cannot contact her until she returns. 

And she takes forever to do things. Sometimes with twins I find it necessary to be a bit rigid with scheduling. If I am feeding one twin I want the other fed as soon after as possible. So when I tell her to get a twin ready to get in the feeding queue do not take 30 minutes to change him! And do not rock him to sleep just because he fussed when you changed him! 

It is a lot of stuff to explain to someone. I feel like an ass because I am constantly getting short with her, especially since she is a great person and so kind to come and help. She has been doing all our laundry, grocery shopping, dinner preparation, cleaning. 

But yet at times I would rather be alone. But I know right now I could not handle life outside these boys. Sometimes I cannot pee for five hours, never mind find the time to cook dinner. 

Part of this also is after MIL leaves my mom arrives for four weeks. My mom

Always annoys me on a regular trip here so four weeks with babies will be a significant challenge. Plus, I miss being here with C. But again, we need the help right now. Maybe soon we can start using bottles of expressed milk to relieve me a bit. I need to see when that is recommended. 

In other news, I am feeling a lot better physically. I wear a belly band when I can and under clothes my body does not look too disgusting. Without support my belly is weirdly lumpy. Horrible constipation has been an issue the last few days and I both look forward to and dread pooping after my most recent painful experience. I look forward to exercise and sex and having the challenge of fitting in those activities!