The happiness is always short-lived. I wanted to have sex earlier but C's penis wouldn't stay hard. Always a tough situation. I try to be understanding but I know the disgust, annoyance and sadness show on my face. Even if we do it later, this incident will be on our minds and the enjoyment will be minimized.
Went to lunch with friends. They announced their pregnancy. I had a feeling they would do that today. They started trying in August and this is the first time we have seen them since then. My radar was up and they could sense it. I couldn't fully enjoy our time together knowing the announcement was coming.
And it came. I congratulated them and asked the right questions. They were relieved. But, as always, after about five minutes it sunk in and I had to get the fuck out of there. I slipped out the back and made C tell them why we weren't going to the movies with them. My friend texted me after. I know they feel bad and sad but in the end they get the baby and we do not.
So, another friendship over because of infertility. I'll never want to see them again because her belly will grow, then they will have the baby and I'll still be like this. Barren and too fucking broken to even ovulate.
I doubt I'll ovulate naturally, so no chance of getting a BFP this cycle. Then I have to take Provera. So no BFP this year. I may even have the IUIs right around Christmas. Awesome. Christmas is gonna suck even worse this year.
I hate everyone and everything right now. Even the animals piss me off. The only children I will ever have are stupid fucking animals. I feel no connection to my husband and his stupid limp dick. I am alone. Not one person understands. Not ONE person or thing can make me feel better.
