But with the loss of things like that, other things are gained. Like how they smile when I get to daycare. Or perk up when they hear my voice. And they are awake more and play more with us. So of course those things are wonderful.
I started work the other day. Naturally, I cried the first day and thought of them all day. I was only at work 4 hours the first day. P refused the bottle, A only ate 0.5 ounces. They both made up for the absence and fed and cuddled extra the rest of the afternoon amd evening.
The second day was my usual new part-time shift of 6 hours (7 am-ish to 1 pm) but rather than pumping halfway into the shift, I drove to the daycare and breastfed them. So now that is what I do. Which is good because at most A has been taking 1 ounce and P usually refuses the bottle.
So now I wake up at 5:50, eat and get dressed, C changes and dresses one baby when I am about five minutes from being done, I feed one baby around 6:15 (very brief since they are half asleep and I generally will dream feed them between 5 and 5:30), toward end of that feeding C gets other baby dressed, I feed other baby while C puts him in carseat and burps him, I put second baby in carseat while C loads first baby in car, then C loads second baby in car while I get final touches ready like icepack from freezer.
Drop babies off at 7. Arrive to work 5 minutes later. Pump for 15 minutes (but takes around 30 minutes with setup and cleanup), work til 10:30, go feed babies, return around 11, work til 12:58, pick up babies. Usually feed one right there in daycare, the other either in the car or when we get home.
After work, feed a baby, try to eat lunch, wash breast pump parts, get items replenished for next day, etc. Play with babies. This new life is quite exhausting for all of us.