General Musings

Having twins often makes me feel like I am half-assing parenting of them both. Right now, I am feeding A and P is on the floor playing on a mat, touching hanging items, kicking the keyboard and making adorable baby noises. I would love to get on the floor and discover these things with him but I have to attend to A. 

Or often, I am feeding a twin and have to truncate the cuddle time since another one is on deck to eat. Or both are crying but I can only pick up one because if I hold them both they kick each other and get more upset.

Or, I have thirty minutes tops before the changing, eating, burping cycle starts so I just take time to pee or freeze breastmilk rather than hanging out with them.

Parents of all kids experience guilt so I know this is normal. 

I am sick of houseguests. My mom has bern here a week, a surprising improvement from MIL, but either way I am ready to have my house back. My mom is ALWAYS there and her baby soothing noises, her propensity to leave lights on, even her general breathing are too much for me now. I just want privacy with C. But I still need the help badly. He gets home too late to help me much duting the week. He is gone twelve hours a day so it would be just me with the twins. Which is "doable" but a lot would suffer if my mom weren't here, like laundry, cooking, etc.

For example, this morning started with me changing and feeding A at 7:30 until 8:00. My mom changed P around 8 when he woke up. Gave her A to hold and finish burping while I fed and burped P til around 8:30. Both babies fussed so we both held babies til I was able to put A down at 8:50. Pumped breasts til 9:10, my mom soothed P and A during this time. Froze one bag of breastmilk, peed for first time, made and ate breakfast. 9:30 gave babies Zantac. 9:40 called doctor for refill. 9:45 A fusses, change him and feed and burp him. 10:10 P wakes up, my mom changes him. 10:15 P poops again. 10:20 feed P and put A down, praying A does not fuss while feeding P. And that is the day. I never nap so I may get lucky and find time to pay two or three bills, or shower, or to do one other item. Around  6-7 pm they enter their "witching hour" and often simultaneously fuss. This may last on and off til 9 pm. 

It's a long day and not sure if I were alone how things would get done. I guess hubs and I would have to get even less sleep, hire someone, or not do it. Not too many other options. 

Thankfully these twins are the cutest babies ever because parenting is hard. But I don't care about the sheets crusty from spit up, my unshaven legs, the pile of unaddressed mail. When I look over at this precious A who is moving his sweet mouth rhythmically in his sleep, at P moving his tiny toes around and cooing, my heart melts. Nothing else matters.