First OB Appointment and 9w1d

Yesterday, I had my first OB appointment. It was so odd being there. Visibly pregnant women everywhere. It made me disconcerted. I still feel like I do not belong in this club. I cringed when the staff, who were so sweet during and after my loss and my initial infertility struggles, got excited for me. I did not drop any of my sarcastic comments like "I doubt I will be here long" but it was in my head for sure.

The doctor met with my husband and me and we discussed in great length the challenges with twin pregnancy. Obviously I am terrified of an incompetent cervix and I tried to advocate for a preventive cerclage. My doctor is adamantly opposed to the idea, citing infection and membrane puncture as possible risks, and studies that show it may not really be that effective. Which is what I have found to be the consensus in the medical community unless the patient shows a history of an incompetent cervix. This phrase really bothers me. I have never been far enough along to know how my cervix reacts. I do not want a loss to prove that my cervix may suck. I was a bit hysterical as I said this and reminded the doctor that if we have another loss we cannot just go make another baby all quick like a normal couple.

But obviously the discussion was closed on his end so I will just talk with the doctor of Maternal Fetal Medicine that I will see in three weeks for an nuchal translucency (NT) scan and whatever else happens at the initial appointment. 

He prescribed me extra folic acid (only $2, not used to how much cheaper regular drugs are compared to fertility meds) and said that likely sex and exercise will have to stop around 16-18 weeks. Dang, that took me by surprise a little. But hopefully I can still walk or lift 2 pound dumbbells. But of course whatever I have to do to bring home full-teen, fat healthy babies. 

Speaking of which, many twin bloggers swear by the book "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads" by Dr. Barbara Luke. I took it out of the library (too scared right now to buy it in case I have a loss) and it seems very comprehensive so far. Her doctoral thesis focused on gaining adequate weight in first and second trimesters as the biggest factor in preventing pre-term birth. 24 pounds by 24 weeks is the goal for average BMI before pregnancy. So far, I have only gained 1 to 1.5 pounds. But I do think my belly is quite round. 

Anyway, three long weeks til the next ultrasound. I called my OB office to see if I could get one before then. Ultrasound tech only works Mondays and Tuesdays so this week is out (stupid me, should've asked for one yesterday!!!) and next week she is on vacation. Ugh, two weeks without knowing would be torture!!! Fuck my stupid PGaL and PgaIF brain. I need to try the Doppler again. If that worked, I could stress in the privacy of my home and not appear to my doctors like the high-strung psycho I am. 

Aside from the mental anguish, physically I am feeling good. Hungry ALL the time. Started bringing two lunch boxes to work every day because I eat like every 40 minutes. And not tiny snacks. But I guess I am supposed to consume about 3,500 calories daily so it makes sense. Water sometimes gives me nausea so I may need to start flavoring it. More tired than before, but when I try to nap during lunch or after work, it doesn't happen. And more tired when exercising. I've cut the exercise intensity way down; I figure it's a victory to just be at the gym or tennis court. Plus, I may only have 7 more weeks to do it. Crazy that in 7 weeks I may be that far along. I want to dream it, but cannot get there yet.