Eight Weeks Old

Wow, time is going by too quickly! In four weeks, I will be going back to work and will be unable to see my precious boys all day. I can't even think about it much right now, I get too emotional.

Adjusted age is five weeks. They are awake and alert more and more. We enjoy short playtime or looking around time every day now. They smile occasionally and may even think of me as more than a food source (at times.) 

The reflux has gotten much better. When they do have a flareup it is generally only at night. I have been able to reduce the occurrences by placing them in the center of the bed so they are cuddled together and I lay next to one twin, do side-lying feeding when he starts stirring and before he awakes. I get up and go to the other twin to feed him. This way no twin is being picked up and since they have the other twin's body heat they don't wake up and flip out if I move to feed the other one. Of course, I still cuddle with one twin at all times! It also has been helping to give a pacifier (ok'ed by lactation consultant at last visit.) Only A will take it, though. I don't usually change them between midnight and six unless they wake up or cry or I hear them fart/poop.

I have not drunk milk in three days because I am trying to see if less dairy impacts them. I realize cutting out all dairy may be needed, and may be the next step if this does not make a difference. I believe I may have an issue with overactive letdown as well. Even though my supply is fabulous (from pumping once a day I have nearly ninety bags of frozen milk with average 4 oz in each bag) I do not want to decrease it to deal with the letdown until after I go back to work and see how it holds up under the stress of pumping and being away from the babies. I do feel bad, though, for the boys. P in particular gulps a lot, I think somewhat because he is such an enthusiastic eater, and ends up with gas sometimes. That may be partially dairy aversion too. A is a smoother and more flexible eater but spits up more afterwards.

They are still quite difficult from around 6 pm until midmight. They need to eat and be changed more often, and want to be held a lot more. And they are hardly settled for any time when putting them down. Makes for a lot of cold or reheated dinners. With my mom still here, there are two people to hold babies while the third person eats. But soon, we will just have to eat one handed or deal with more crying.  It is amazing how much better you get at doing things one handed so you can carry a baby. Like yesterday I made grilled cheese with bacon and tomato. 

I have bought carriers and used them briefly around the house. The babies love to be carried. I still need to find the perfect one. I bought several the other day, will update soon when I figure out more details.

Been venturing out more to parks lately. Hopefully the boys like it. Played mini tennis for first time last week. Belly Ban.dit made me feel less jiggly but I wasn't trying too much because my hips hurt. Oh well. I am walking more and more and by lifting babies am sort of lifting light weights. Need to just take it slow and build up to running, squats and harder activities.

Still haven't had sex yet. Hard with my mom around. We tried once in the car but I have tightened up down there from inactivity and will definitely need to ease into it at home. I feel ugly and gross do not really feel like rushing anyway. I have lost nearly all pregsncy weight, but my stomach is still loose and lumpy above infision area. The glue looks dark and gross. My muscle tone in legs is gone. In clothes thankfully I look pretty good but only if I use the Bandit. 

First OB Appointment and 9w1d

Yesterday, I had my first OB appointment. It was so odd being there. Visibly pregnant women everywhere. It made me disconcerted. I still feel like I do not belong in this club. I cringed when the staff, who were so sweet during and after my loss and my initial infertility struggles, got excited for me. I did not drop any of my sarcastic comments like "I doubt I will be here long" but it was in my head for sure.

The doctor met with my husband and me and we discussed in great length the challenges with twin pregnancy. Obviously I am terrified of an incompetent cervix and I tried to advocate for a preventive cerclage. My doctor is adamantly opposed to the idea, citing infection and membrane puncture as possible risks, and studies that show it may not really be that effective. Which is what I have found to be the consensus in the medical community unless the patient shows a history of an incompetent cervix. This phrase really bothers me. I have never been far enough along to know how my cervix reacts. I do not want a loss to prove that my cervix may suck. I was a bit hysterical as I said this and reminded the doctor that if we have another loss we cannot just go make another baby all quick like a normal couple.

But obviously the discussion was closed on his end so I will just talk with the doctor of Maternal Fetal Medicine that I will see in three weeks for an nuchal translucency (NT) scan and whatever else happens at the initial appointment. 

He prescribed me extra folic acid (only $2, not used to how much cheaper regular drugs are compared to fertility meds) and said that likely sex and exercise will have to stop around 16-18 weeks. Dang, that took me by surprise a little. But hopefully I can still walk or lift 2 pound dumbbells. But of course whatever I have to do to bring home full-teen, fat healthy babies. 

Speaking of which, many twin bloggers swear by the book "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads" by Dr. Barbara Luke. I took it out of the library (too scared right now to buy it in case I have a loss) and it seems very comprehensive so far. Her doctoral thesis focused on gaining adequate weight in first and second trimesters as the biggest factor in preventing pre-term birth. 24 pounds by 24 weeks is the goal for average BMI before pregnancy. So far, I have only gained 1 to 1.5 pounds. But I do think my belly is quite round. 

Anyway, three long weeks til the next ultrasound. I called my OB office to see if I could get one before then. Ultrasound tech only works Mondays and Tuesdays so this week is out (stupid me, should've asked for one yesterday!!!) and next week she is on vacation. Ugh, two weeks without knowing would be torture!!! Fuck my stupid PGaL and PgaIF brain. I need to try the Doppler again. If that worked, I could stress in the privacy of my home and not appear to my doctors like the high-strung psycho I am. 

Aside from the mental anguish, physically I am feeling good. Hungry ALL the time. Started bringing two lunch boxes to work every day because I eat like every 40 minutes. And not tiny snacks. But I guess I am supposed to consume about 3,500 calories daily so it makes sense. Water sometimes gives me nausea so I may need to start flavoring it. More tired than before, but when I try to nap during lunch or after work, it doesn't happen. And more tired when exercising. I've cut the exercise intensity way down; I figure it's a victory to just be at the gym or tennis court. Plus, I may only have 7 more weeks to do it. Crazy that in 7 weeks I may be that far along. I want to dream it, but cannot get there yet.